not so fast, God

In the book of Genesis there is a peculiar story.  God commands Abraham to go with his son Isaac to the mountain and make a sacrifice.  No big deal, people were making sacrifices – a goat, sheep or lamb – to God day in day out.  When Abraham and Isaac get there Abraham looks around for a ram, or any other appropriate beast.  Abraham reports the lack of such to God, who then tells Abraham that it is his son Isaac he has been sent to sacrifice.  Abraham obeys, binds Isaac, raises the knife and lo and behold! a ram shows up just in time.  They sacrifice the ram, Isacc is set loose and they go back home.  This verse was read from the pulpit of every synagogue in the world on September 10 and every Rosh Hashona.

Biblical scholars for centuries have had a tough time with this tale.  They seem to agree that God regarded this as a test to see how much Abraham feared God.  But it’s still peculiar.

Now the Genesis stories are not actual historic fact.  They were legends passed down from one generation to the next.  But somewhere some person had to have made this up.

So why can’t I make up another version of the story?  (There are Rabbis out there who will say such a proposal is heretic and blasphemous).

But here it is:

Starting with the part where Abraham and Isaac reach the mountain, this dialogue:

“God, I’m not seeing any sheep, lambs or goats on this mountaintop”

“Abraham, the sacrificial lamb is that boy relieving himself behind that tree”

“God, I don’t think I heard what you said”

“Abraham you will sacrifice your son, Isaac”

“God, I really can’t do that”

“Abraham, there is no option, you know you must obey me”

( A very, very long silence)

”  God, I refuse”

” Abraham you will suffer my wrath in the most horrible fashion, as will all your people if you disobey me’

“God, it is a terrible and immoral thing you ask of me”

Abraham throws his knife into the fire.  A terrible storm comes, Abraham and Isaac have no shelter and for two days brave the storm.

Then God speaks

“Abraham, this was a test of your courage and moral fiber.  If you can defy even me you have proven your integrity and strength. but Abraham, you must never tell any man or woman what happened here.  You and Isaac are commanded to tell that I directed you to sacrifice your son and that as you were about to do so a ram appeared.  No other man must dare to defy and contradict me.”